Because “No Drama” always means drama is coming in hot

Second Life is full of mysteries. Why does that guy always wear sunglasses at midnight? Why do some avatars never blink? And, most importantly, what does it really mean when someone puts “no drama” in their profile?

After years of experience, and being bored this weekend, I’ve cracked the code. Here are 10 commonly used Second Life terms, phrases, and profile gems, and their actual meanings. Consider this your survival guide for navigating the virtual jungle.

1. “No Drama Please”

Translation: I am the eye of the drama hurricane. I don’t start it, I am it. Stick around and you’ll find out my exes, my alt, my bestie, and my new partner all live in the same region and hate each other passionately.

2. “Voice Verified”

Translation: Yes, I use voice. No, this is not my real voice. It’s a $29.99/month voice morphing program that makes me sound like I’m 24, when in reality I’m yelling at my kids to get off TikTok while I’m pretending to DJ.

3. “AFK” (Away From Keyboard)

Translation: I’m not really away. I’m here. I’m reading. I saw that message. I saw what you did. I’m just not replying because it’s more fun to watch you spiral.

4. “Para-RPer, Literate, Multi-Paragraph”

Translation: If you send me one-liners like “he nods,” I will block you, blacklist you, and send your name to the RP Council of Judgmental Elves. Also, yes, I’m still typing. It’s only been 47 minutes.

5. “Just here to chill and vibe”

Translation: I am bored, lonely, and slightly afraid of commitment. If you offer me attention, validation, or adult furniture, I will stick around. But only until the next shiny distraction flies by.

6. “No Random Friend Requests”

Translation: I don’t accept friend requests from just anyone. Message me first so I can assess your aesthetic, social standing, and whether you’re worth cluttering my already elite contact list. If you’re wearing bling, don’t even try.

7. “Looking for a serious connection”

Translation: I fell in love with a dragon roleplayer in 2014, and it still haunts me. I will imprint on the first person who compliments my outfit. Bonus points if you also like long walks on Second Life beaches.

8. “My RL is private”

Translation: I am my alt. My RL job is “Second Life.” I haven’t touched grass since 2011. If you ask too many questions, I will disappear mysteriously and return in three weeks as a furry bartender named Bert.

9. “Submissive but not desperate”

Translation: I am desperate, but I want you to think I have standards. You must spend at least 30 minutes in local chat roleplaying with me before I give you access to my collar.

 

10. “Family is Everything / Mess with my family and I will hunt you down”

Translation: I role-play that my wifey, sons, daughters, uncles and aunts have more protection than a high-security government server. Cross me or my Second Life family and I will launch a three-week passive-aggressive campaign, complete with vague timeline posts and cryptic status updates. You’ve been warned.

 

So next time you’re perving profiles or chatting in-world and someone drops one of these gems, remember: it’s not what they say, it’s what they really mean. And now, you know.

Stay safe out there, and may your teleport never fail mid-drama!

 

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Disclaimer:
Before you barge into my IMs in full caps: yes, this post is satirical. It’s all in good fun, poking at the quirks we all know and (secretly) love about Second Life. If you recognised yourself in one of these… don’t worry, so did I. 💋