I know it’s still October. The pumpkins are still fresh, some of us are teleporting around in witch hats, there are corpses and evil nurses everywhere and yet… There it is. Your neighbour’s parcel already features a 40-meter Christmas tree glowing like the mothership from Close Encounters.

Because in Second Life, there’s no such thing as “too soon.” The moment the last ghost vanishes and the cobwebs de-rez, it’s time for pictures titled ‘First Snow!’ and  ‘Baby, it’s cold outside’, sleigh bells, snowflakes, and scripted Santas as far as the eye can see.

Before you can say “I’m not ready,” the grid will be buried under ten layers of snow, every event will feature “exclusive holiday releases,” and you’ll start wondering if it’s socially acceptable to mute the word Christmas until January.

So, how do you prepare (or, rather, survive) the digital onslaught of tinsel, lag, and relentless Mariah Carey gestures? Don’t worry. I’ve made you a guide.

Step 1: Accept Your Fate 🎄

There is no escape. Even if you mute every “Holiday Expo” group, block every “Christmas Village” invite, and set your skybox to 4000m, a stray snow particle will still find you. Resistance is futile. Just let the sleigh bells jingle into your existence.

Step 2: Decorate Like Your Linden Balance Depends on It 🦌

One wreath on the door? Amateur. You need:

• A house covered in so many twinkling lights that the region’s performance drops to 2 FPS.
• A rotating Santa that waves creepily at passersby.
• At least three reindeer in questionable poses.

And, of course, a tree so large it breaches the parcel boundary and ends up in your neighbour’s living room. (You’re welcome, Carol.)

Step 3: Prepare Your Avatar 🎅

Outfits required for Christmas season survival:

• A sexy elf costume (mandatory) and for the men, just a simple Christmas sock…
• At least five ugly sweaters you’ll wear once for the group photo and then delete in disgust.
• A “classy winter look” that you’ll painstakingly assemble and then never wear because you forgot shoes.
• One backup Grinch avatar for when you’ve had enough.

Step 4: Learn to Navigate Holiday Busy Zones 🏂

You haven’t truly lived until you’ve teleported into a holiday market, landed inside a gingerbread stall, and immediately crashed because your graphics card melted under the combined force of 600 scripted animesh shoulder elves.

Pro tip: Approach slowly, derender the ice skating rink and everyone on it, and pretend you’re admiring the “vibe” while cam-shopping from 500 meters away.

Step 5: Gift-Giving Politics 🎁

Christmas in Second Life means gifts, and gifts mean drama. You must:

• Create a cheerful Christmas card with a glittery picture of yourself (and your significant other, if you have one) and a quote written by ChatGPT, to send to everyone on your friends list.
• Say thank you when a creator sends gifts in their group (see my blog about the fine art of not complaining)
• Prepare at least one extravagant, completely over-the-top gift for your bestie so you can both post about it and remind everyone else they’re not as close as you are.

Step 6: Survive the Parties 💃

You will be invited to at least 23 Christmas parties, all on the same night, at the exact same time. Rule of thumb:

• First 10 minutes: Compliment the host’s decorations.
• Next 5 minutes: Dance awkwardly on the snowflake-shaped platform.
• Final 2 minutes: Vanish mysteriously, blaming “Real Life dinner.”

Christmas is Coming for You

You may think you can pace yourself. You may think, “It’s only October, surely I have time.” You don’t. By the time you blink, your avatar will be in a Santa hat, sipping cocoa, and clicking “Buy Now” on your 16th snowman lawn ornament.

So buckle up, dear Resident. Surviving Christmas in Second Life is not about resisting; it’s about embracing. It’s about surrendering, stylishly, with glitter on full blast. Better get ready.

How about you?

When do you start decorating? Or are you already hiding from the first scripted snowflake? Tell me your Christmas survival strategies in the comments,  I’ll bring the eggnog.