‘If only’

“If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world.”
― Mercedes Lackey

Delicatessen - I

I have been trying to wrap my head around things. The inevitable, that was surely to happen at some point. Actually, I think I waited for this day since April. In April I was told my job and myself as such were planned to be made redundant and official procedures would follow asap.
The ‘asap’ turned out to be a bit longer, due to laws and regulations, summer-vacations and more rules and policies and reviews and meetings and so on.

Then  ‘finally’ today I got it. The official kilo of documents. Lots of letters, policies, a social plan and a fancy booklet with tips on how to pursue a new career and all.
I knew this would come and yet. I haz a sad. A big sad.

To see it in writing, cold and as good as final, after almost 18 years. I have read it all, or tried to. And the only words and sentences my brain is able to remember and keeps repeating are ‘we regretfully confirm..‘,  ‘if only‘ and ‘we thank you for your many years of commitment’ and the almost laughable ‘it is a sad day for the whole organisation, but..

Delicatessen - II

I have a good lawyer, I am not too worried about the settlement and all. I am just….well, sad. Funny how that goes eh? Could be the season too, getting closer to the end of this year, a fkn terrible year to which I would rather not look back at for so many reasons. A year with too many ‘if only’.

Pictures taken at Delicatessen – Metabody II


4 Comments Add yours

  1. S0phia Inkpen says:

    Sorry to hear, Cait, my heart goes out to you.


    1. Thanks Sophia :) I am okay, I just needed to vent a bit I guess!

  2. Moco Scribe says:

    Well Caity I can tell you from experience that this is not the end! It sounds like a total cliche and of course you will feel sad but I’ve walked out of 2 highly paid jobs (they had become totally boring and I had learnt as much as I could so left) and one where I was ‘persuaded’ to leave with a sack full of cash due to the economic downturn…and I’m still here none of these experiences have ultimately been bad! I set up my own business and have not looked back. Focus on what you want, what you love and look to the future it is very bright! Love and hugs

    1. Thank you for your kind words, Moco :). I know it is not the end, and I have seen this coming for a while, it was just a moment of…well, it was so final all of a sudden when I got the actual official paperwork and all. I am currently busy finding something new and dealing with all these legal procedures, which keeps me distracted and also gives me hope :).

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