“If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world.”
― Mercedes Lackey
I have been trying to wrap my head around things. The inevitable, that was surely to happen at some point. Actually, I think I waited for this day since April. In April I was told my job and myself as such were planned to be made redundant and official procedures would follow asap.
The ‘asap’ turned out to be a bit longer, due to laws and regulations, summer-vacations and more rules and policies and reviews and meetings and so on.
Then ‘finally’ today I got it. The official kilo of documents. Lots of letters, policies, a social plan and a fancy booklet with tips on how to pursue a new career and all.
I knew this would come and yet. I haz a sad. A big sad.
To see it in writing, cold and as good as final, after almost 18 years. I have read it all, or tried to. And the only words and sentences my brain is able to remember and keeps repeating are ‘we regretfully confirm..‘, ‘if only‘ and ‘we thank you for your many years of commitment’ and the almost laughable ‘it is a sad day for the whole organisation, but..‘
I have a good lawyer, I am not too worried about the settlement and all. I am just….well, sad. Funny how that goes eh? Could be the season too, getting closer to the end of this year, a fkn terrible year to which I would rather not look back at for so many reasons. A year with too many ‘if only’.
Pictures taken at Delicatessen – Metabody II