Dear Nico – ‘Shame, shame, shame’

Hello dear readers!
It has been a while since my last contribution to this blog, my apologies. It’s not that I haven’t received any letters from you, on the contrary. My absence had to to with an unfortunate incident involving a scrub bucket, hair dye and a crossbow. I might get into that story some other time.

Anyway. Today’s letter, which I received a few weeks ago, concerns a type of incident not at all uncommon in Second Life. In fact, I dare say, I get this problem – experienced by SL residents – in my mailbox at least once per month.

Dear Nico,

A couple of days ago something truly horrible happened to me, in Second Life. Words cannot describe the horror and shame I feel, and even writing you this letter while trying to describe what happens makes me sick. 

My  Second Life BFF and I have been besties since 2010, ever since we met on a shopping event where we bought the same pair of shoes and hair. Instant soulmates if you will. We've had our ups and downs, several partners came and went but we always knew we could count on eachother. 
When she met her latest partner and planned another huge extravagant wedding, she asked me to take the wedding pictures. Of course I was delighted and promised to make the most gorgeous images of this important day in her Second Life.

Another friend was the bridesmaid, we had known her since 2016 and all was planned perfectly.
While waiting for the bride to show up, me and the bridesmaid were chatting along about how beautiful the venue was decorated and how handsome the groom looked. And because our friend, the bride, had been extremely secretive about her wedding gown, we were super excited and curious on how she would look. I have to tell you, she has a stunning avatar, so the expectations were high!

And then the moment was there, she IM'ed me that she was ready and asked for a TP. So I TP'ed the bride in, all eyes on her. The music played while she rezzed for all of us. It turned out she was wearing a softpink, flexiprim dress. With a flexi prim veil. 
I was ...well, surprised to say the least. I've seen her in a wedding gown before and while not always white, it was always a classy, high end dress. Not this time though.
I watched the flexi parts of her gown go up and down like a parachute stuck in a tree as she walked down the aisle and could not believe my eyes. I also panicked, how on earth was I supposed to make this look good on a picture?
In my disbelief I said to the other friend, the bridesmaid "OMG  What the %$##@ is <name>  wearing? Did she find some freebie on N00b Island?" 

The moment I hit enter and read my comment I knew what I had done. I had not send my 'critique' to the bridesmaid, but to the bride.
She did not reply. Nothing. For about 1 min. Silence. In that one minute I died. I wished the sim crashed, I wished SL crashed, I wished I had never met her and most of all I wished I had looked better when sending the IM.

Her reaction came in the form of me being ejected and banned from the wedding venue. She also removed me from her friendslist, before the ceremony! 

Dear, Nico. How can I repair the damage I have done? The bridesmaid has blocked me too and some other friends did the same.  
How will I ever get over this immense shame?

Help me.

Dear Shameful,

Yes, you should be ashamed. This is what happens when you gossip about others and not pay attention.
Let me be clear: you cannot make this right. Ever. Consider your friendship ended and there is nothing you can do to get it back.

What happened is what the famous Second Life Author Huckleberry Hax, an expert in these matters, named a ‘fatal crosspost‘. No, you are not the first who made this stupid mistake and you will not be the last.
If you are really sloppy it might happen again. So be careful in future conversations, when you feel the need to talk about others behind their back.

You should read Huckleberry’s article on the topic of Fatal Crossposts, from 2013. It will not solve your problems and feeling of shame, but you’ll learn that you are not alone, for reassurance.
For now, you will need to build up a new Second Life, preferably with a brand new account, a new home far away from your current and you can never again go to the clubs and parties you used to frequent.

I wish you all the best in finding new besties and a new life!

Be well,


PS: it is also possible (and cheaper) to just get over your shame quickly, shrug it off, decide not to give a f*ck, and just move on.

Do you need advice concerning your Second Life relationship, etiquette, manners, or style? Send me a letter via the contactform or drop a notecard inworld to my agent Caitlin Tobias and perhaps your issue will be published and solved!


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