Hitting the ball out of the court – a reply post

While I am usually not opinionated in my blogposts, I enjoy my exploring and randoms posts a lot and always think I should leave my deeper thoughts out of the public – a series of rather unpleasant events and a blogpost by Becky on the aggressiveness she regularly encounters when it comes to asking visitors to her sim to follow the dress-codes, I have given it some thought and so here I am.

As a Second Life Explorer I visit many, many sims. The first thing I do upon arrival is check for house-, sim or other rules. Most places offer a notecard and if not, I look in the land information for guidelines or the regions convenant. For me a matter of routine, I do not only use this information in my blogposts about the destination, but it also makes it easier for me to walk around freely and blend in, for a more immersive experience.

And also a big part: the sheer fun of getting dressed into a theme, specially when it is something I am not used to (SciFi or historical are always a fun challenge for me). Besides my own fun of getting dressed up, it is also a way to show respect to the sim owners who pay (real) money to keep their place up and running and as a guest it is just the right thing to do.

When not exploring, I have a few social events per week I love to attend. There is the weekly party in Elysion on Saturday – which always has a theme and dressing according to the weekly theme is mandatory to attend.
The owner of Elysion always puts a lot of effort in decorating the venue and once a theme is announced (usually on Flickr, but also in group notice), the groupchat will be filled with people asking for tips and LM’s for an outfit – and everyone gets excited. It adds to the sense of community.

[Elysion]  Cherry Blossom Festival - I, all dressed up for tonight :)
In theme for Elysions Cherry Blossom Festival

But there are, amazingly, always people showing up completely out of theme. The other week the theme was Cherry Blossom festival and Syn had created a gorgeous Japanese style garden. Almost everyone, and those parties are busy!, looked amazing. Almost everyone. It always baffles me to see, as last week, people arriving in jeans, trainers, bikini’s or latex catsuits.
Why? There is really no reason to not know the theme. And even if you managed to miss the theme of the week, it only takes a minute once you are rezzed to look around and see what is it….!

How difficult is it to either switch outfit on the spot, if you happen to have one suitable in your list, or just leave for a bit and get an outfit. Or. Just leave and skip the party?

Hitting the ball out of the court - a reply blogpost
How I am often dressed, when at home

In my daily Second Life, when in and around my home, I am often dressed up in full fantasy outfits, often including some katana or bows and arrows. Because I like it and because I can.
I have a lot of outfits ready, named and sorted on occasions with a short description that makes perfect sense to me – so in case I get an invitation to go dancing in, let’s say Franks (haha, like that happens, but I like to be prepared!), it will take me all about one push on the button of an outfit called: ‘Dance – Formal – Pink Evies Closet – Blonde hair’. I know exactly what that look is, and I am from fierce, axe-swinging, tattoed warrior transformed into a lovely, sweet looking lady in a gown and on high heels.
The only thing I need to change manually is, are the colours of the tips of my elf ears, but that is really done in less than 20 seconds.

I am sure I am not revealing some new feature in Second Life and I am not the only one who can magically change outfits in a few seconds.

Hitting the ball out of the court - a reply blogpost
Entrance of Bar Moderna – Basilique

‘In response to asking people to adhere to dress codes, I have been called – and I quote: a “stupid cunt”, a “fascist”, a “pretentious snob”, and a “worthless bitch”. I have been subject to abusive rants in IM, local chat and group chat – even days after the incident. Some protesters have said that my venue – Basilique – is a “worthless shithole” and that it should “be banned from Second Life”.’  – from Becky’s blogpost

If you are so anti dress codes and insist on wearing what you like at all times and are a so-called ‘my own person’, an often heard reason for not following any rules ‘I am my own person’, mhm sure you are, so am I.
By all means: go to places where you can indeed come and go as you are and nobody gives a sh*t about your looks. There are many, many places in Second Life where you can dress, or not at all, to your liking and nobody will say a thing.
But to go out of your way to start name-calling in groupchats, IM’s and on blogs, leaving in a huff and rant wherever you think people take you serious, I do not see the point.

Those people, and I have seen the ridiculous rants (often in CAPS and with so many spelling and grammatical errors I almost got offended that even their insults are not proper!), make themselves look like fools. And they do it all by themselves. Being their own person.
I am all for ones own identity and style. I think I have my own, sometimes odd, style too. Yet, I manage to dress up for Cocktail, Club, Formal etc, without losing my identity and not even my style.

Hitting the ball out of the court - a reply blogpost
Oh look! Five seconds ago I was the warrior!

The shouting, the abuse, the incredible sense of entitlement, please let’s not do that. Just don’t.

“You don’t win a game by hitting the ball out of the court.”
― Carlos Ruiz Zafón, The Angel’s Game


4 Comments Add yours

  1. I loved reading this and I agree wholeheartedly. Plus, it’s FUN dressing up for new places/events!

  2. Cait,

    Despite writing a blog dedicated to the naturist lifestyle in SL, I would never dream of enforcing ‘my naturist rights’ on anyone else’s sims. I fully agree with what you’ve said. Part of the sheer joy of SL is being able to dress up and look the part.

    I get a real kick out of being able to rummage through inventory for appropriate clothing for wherever I’m going. If I don’t have something appropriate, I go looking for it. If I can find a freebie version, so much the better. Can I mix that freebie with something I already own to create my own ensemble? Better still! It’s a core part of the fun of SL!

    Of course, you’re preaching to the converted. We both know, and Silkie who has already commented clearly agrees, that it’s capital ‘F’ fun.

    There are people who’ve been in SL for 5-6 maybe 8 years and are wearing 2008 freebie hair and have never managed to pick up a free AO yet, so the idea of them looking for a tux, a ballgown, or any other form of period dress is highly unlikely. I suspect that these are going to be the ones who will readily act as spoilsports.

    You’ve offered a powerful argument above. Brilliant post, Caity, one I’ve referenced in my own take on this.


  3. Amen to that! I love dressing up my avatar and while I prefer to be in fantasy gear, I got many other genres ready to go in my outfit folder as well. XD

  4. Sunshine says:

    The even more annoying part of the person that complains about the dress code or not wanting to comply is that they have an overly entitled view. They think that every sim is theirs to play in, visit, crash, or whatever. Those are the ones that rarely support a sim owner in any way other than to cause grief. I just plainly don’t understand the mentality either. Good post.

    I’ve had issues on my sims over the years with people just pulling out all their adult oriented animations and just going for it. While I never have stated expressly “no sex”, I thought common sense on a moderately rated sim would be enough… silly me. I’ve also been called names and challenged…andI have no issues banning in these cases. Doesn’t lessen the feeling of being called names, but it is what I can do. And overly abusive gets an AR. But mostly, it is annoying because while I know most people are not like that, I question my sanity for offering public access.

    Thanks for posting.. and yep, it only takes moments to change your appearance in SL. Isn’t that the beauty of it? From elf to cat, from warrior to princess, from beach bum to cocktail wear… all in a flash!

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