This week two blogposts of bloggers I follow and admire, have triggered me to eventually write this rather personal post. The first one was from the ever so lovely Tempz Wendest and her challenge in doing a picture in lingerie – coming from a challenge by Lucie Bluebird (project EveryBody), followed by the wrap up Becky did on the Basilique Salon’s evening on loneliness in Second Life. Well, okay, I summed it up pretty basic and brief, but in essence those two topics got me thinking.
Am I brave, as Wendz said in her post? I am flattered she thinks I am, but I do not think I am.
Am I lonely in SL, as was the topic in the Basilique’s discussion? I think I am, but not always.
Why I think I am not brave? Well….maybe because, even though my pics and blog may give some sort of impression I am all social and busy entertaining people and what not, in (virtual) reality…I spent most of my online time inworld alone, all by myself. Admitting, when exploring and taking pics this is wonderful – as I really focus on the photo’s, set up and all when doing that. But, exploring and taking pics is not so much time consuming! The rest of my online time, I love to go out dancing.
Yes. Dancing. As in, all dressed up, to a lovely (romantic, but not needed) venue/ballroom and having a nice, entertaining, conversation with my dance partner. Nothing kinky, nothing weird, just…normal, conversational chatting while I can watch me and my dance partner being all good looking.
The thing is, yes, there is Don (/me waves at Don) and we go out dancing of course, but we have this thingy called ‘time zones’….so yeah, I end up being alone a lot of my time. I have some male friends on my list, but for all kinds of reasons they do not want to take me out dancing – yes, I have asked and have had the horror of being told ‘no thanks, but hey we can chat in IM and thats fine too right? ‘, so I do not dare to ask a guy for a dance anymore. Also, I hate to be a wallflower in some place, just going there alone and hope ‘someone’ or ‘anyone’ will ask me for a dance, no thanks. Been there, done that.
It makes me feel lonely at times yes. Sure I can entertain myself in other ways, exploring…abusing my ‘noobs’, making poses, silly pictures or serious ones and all, but there are nights that all I want is to dress up all fancy and dance the night away. Instead, most of those nights, I go exploring. Alone.
Concerning the Project Everybody, I dunno…I am not brave enough to just go out as Caity, including her demon claws, and ask someone to take me out dancing after too many ‘No thanks, you are lovely but..no – followed by polite and/or other reasons ‘…. No matter how I look or how they look. As for loneliness in SL, yeah, I know it. Not always, not everyday, but often enough. I do not blame anyone for it, it is just how it goes.
I am not sad or depressed though, I LOVE second life and the friends I have ! And my n00bs. And all my gorgeous gowns. And my claws! And if this post did not make sense, I apologise, but it made sense to me :P
Cait's World 
It makes 100% total sense to me, Caity. I appreciate your courageousness in writing this honest and personal post. And I know you are not sad or depressed, in any way whatsoever! Aren’t humans complex? We can be so many things at the same time! Haven’t we all in been in that neither here nor there position you describe at one point or another, at a loss for words at times to describe what we feel? Everyone feels lonely sometimes, yet many of us wish so often to be alone. I think the word that describes joyful aloneness is “solitude”.
By the way, the way you are portraying this pictorially, is one of the most simple, yet poignant ways I’ve ever seen done in Second Life. That picture at the top truly says a thousand words.
Thank you Becky :). It was just a matter of yours and Wendz post that lead me to write it, it has been the case in my SL for ever since I was rezzed 7 years ago. Never kept me logging in and it is indeed, an occasional feeling. Thanks for the compliment on the pics! (I am sure you will laugh when I tell you that while I was taking the first pic, of course some random dude saw the empty blue ball as a invitation and he just hopped on…..sigh..there went my lonely pic! :p)
Next time, I’ll be your dancing partner if you would like :)
yay!
Caity, this makes absolute perfect sense! I know exactly how you feel… I often find myself wandering around SL all alone, looking for things to do, or not do. I love my alone time, but sometimes I want nothing more than to have someone by my side when my fellas aren’t able to be around.
SL is such a big place, and sometimes it can feel very lonely indeed. Beautiful builds without a soul in sight. It’s a glorious feeling to have someone next to you, holding your hand.
And then they log on, and take your hand, and all is right with the world. :-)