This week two blogposts of bloggers I follow and admire, have triggered me to eventually write this rather personal post. The first one was from the ever so lovely Tempz Wendest and her challenge in doing a picture in lingerie – coming from a challenge by Lucie Bluebird (project EveryBody), followed by the wrap up Becky did on the Basilique Salon’s evening on loneliness in Second Life. Well, okay, I summed it up pretty basic and brief, but in essence those two topics got me thinking.
Am I brave, as Wendz said in her post? I am flattered she thinks I am, but I do not think I am.
Am I lonely in SL, as was the topic in the Basilique’s discussion? I think I am, but not always.
Why I think I am not brave? Well….maybe because, even though my pics and blog may give some sort of impression I am all social and busy entertaining people and what not, in (virtual) reality…I spent most of my online time inworld alone, all by myself. Admitting, when exploring and taking pics this is wonderful – as I really focus on the photo’s, set up and all when doing that. But, exploring and taking pics is not so much time consuming! The rest of my online time, I love to go out dancing.
Yes. Dancing. As in, all dressed up, to a lovely (romantic, but not needed) venue/ballroom and having a nice, entertaining, conversation with my dance partner. Nothing kinky, nothing weird, just…normal, conversational chatting while I can watch me and my dance partner being all good looking.
The thing is, yes, there is Don (/me waves at Don) and we go out dancing of course, but we have this thingy called ‘time zones’….so yeah, I end up being alone a lot of my time. I have some male friends on my list, but for all kinds of reasons they do not want to take me out dancing – yes, I have asked and have had the horror of being told ‘no thanks, but hey we can chat in IM and thats fine too right? ‘, so I do not dare to ask a guy for a dance anymore. Also, I hate to be a wallflower in some place, just going there alone and hope ‘someone’ or ‘anyone’ will ask me for a dance, no thanks. Been there, done that.
It makes me feel lonely at times yes. Sure I can entertain myself in other ways, exploring…abusing my ‘noobs’, making poses, silly pictures or serious ones and all, but there are nights that all I want is to dress up all fancy and dance the night away. Instead, most of those nights, I go exploring. Alone.
Concerning the Project Everybody, I dunno…I am not brave enough to just go out as Caity, including her demon claws, and ask someone to take me out dancing after too many ‘No thanks, you are lovely but..no – followed by polite and/or other reasons ‘…. No matter how I look or how they look. As for loneliness in SL, yeah, I know it. Not always, not everyday, but often enough. I do not blame anyone for it, it is just how it goes.
I am not sad or depressed though, I LOVE second life and the friends I have ! And my n00bs. And all my gorgeous gowns. And my claws! And if this post did not make sense, I apologise, but it made sense to me :P