The darker side of blogging


Nah, I am not going to switch to black and white, or start writing film noir blogposts, nor have I returned to being the troubled and worried young emo-punk-goth I was in 198….well, never mind..ahem!

Caits World is a happy blog. With generally happy posts about nice places I think you should visit. Occasionally, I do some artsy-fartsy stuff just for the heck of it. I am a happy person. I love Second Life and I love the friends I have in Second Life. I also love my blog.

But… this is the internet, my dear friends.

And the internet is home to both happy people like me and you, and also ‘unhappy’ people, which I’m sure is no great surprise to anyone nowadays.

To keep things close to home, when I say ‘the internet’ in this post, I mean Second Life, blogging, and specifically for now, my own blog.

Happy. Nice. Friendly. Sometimes emotional. Silly.

I’ve noticed, that my happy, silly and sometimes personal articles attract not only lovely readers and supportive followers, but also unhappy, humourless, hateful and dreadfully-dull individuals.

You know the ones. They’re often described as ‘basement-dwellers‘, ‘no-lifers‘, ‘keyboard warriors‘  and well, haters who hate, just because they can.

It may come as a surprise to you that I – like so many other people who publish on the internet – am the object of affection of a hater. Oh yes. And, somewhat disappointingly, not a very original one. They (I have no clue on their gender) leave anonymous comments on my blog that are trite, yet nasty, remarks about me being single (and explaining why) and how they love it when I’m feeling sad over broken relationships.

Of course, I don’t publish these comments.

The dark side of blogging - III

They’re all rather boring, to be honest, I mean… if you are going to hate me so much, why not put a little more effort into your work?! Or, does this mean I am not important enough, and need to be satisfied with just a low-level hater? Seriously, if there was a school for haters, mine would have likely flunked out. In fact, as far as haters go, I might even categorise mine as a “wannabee-hater”, who is a hater that is… almost a hater, but doesn’t really measure up.

Anyway. I have a wannabee-hater. Or more (who knows?), but let’s say it is one. They come and they go. They get quiet, for weeks or months, and just when I think they’ve all but forgotten about me: tadaaaa, they’re back like a weak case of herpes!

I thought that if I just ignored them, they’d simply go away. This is, and will always be, my advice to anyone who is dealing with a nasty follower, troll, griefer or stalker. “Don’t feed the troll” is sound advice.

So why do I bother writing this post about my wannabee-hater?

I have little interest in exposing them. First, I do not know who they are – and to be honest, I couldn’t care less. I simply write this post to use my wannabee-hater for the only thing they seem to be good at (when it comes to hating at least), which is to demonstrate, like a dusty exhibit in a long-neglected museum, that there is a ‘darker side’ to having an online presence.

I am sure I am not the only one getting this kind of less friendly attention.

The dark side of blogging - II

So how do you, as a blogger, deal with haters or (should you be as unlucky as me to not even get a half-decent one), a wannabee-hater? Do you just ‘shrug it off’ and go on with your day as if nothing happens? And how does that work out? Do you publish their insane, dull, and repetitively dubious, rants? Is it funny? Does it hurt?

Questions, questions, questions…. and maybe not so easy to answer, or admit to even having them. After all, no one wants to feed the trolls. And in some cases, we do not even wish to see the possibly hurtful stuff that they throw at us.

I am not sure if I have the right answers to all my questions. There are times when I consider exposing the childish stuff my wannabee-hater throws at me, so that the world can at least see the type of fools I attract. At other times, I don’t think they deserve the attention, or even more than a second of my thoughts.

The dark side of blogging - I

My ‘wannabee-hater’ ? Well, I guess they got their 15 minutes of fame for 2015, because that’s about as long as it took me to write this post.

20 thoughts on “The darker side of blogging

  1. There are BY FAR MORE people who love you, Caity!!!! Who are sad, if you are sad, and who are happy when you are happy, who are laughing with you and not about you (why should anybody laugh about you??? – such a silly and childish behaviour). Who love your blogposts, though not often leaving a comment.
    Giving you a big hug!
    Leo

    1. Thank you so much Leo, for taking the time to comment and I appreciate your supportive message a lot! I know commenting on blogs isn’t happening a lot, I too am not good in it..but I know I have readers and I know people like my stuff, and that is enough:) Hugs back at ya!

  2. * Does the “shake it off” dance with Caity. You’re too amazing and loved for those comments to even be noted. Those people are a speck in the galaxy in the world that loves and follows you. So… let’s dance!!

  3. Sounds like someone got one of your leftovers who, every so often, calls her by your name. Poor baby, you must be a tough act to follow. Brush that dirt off your shoulder. Waste of psychic energy.

    1. Hi Girlforgetful, yup I brushed it off. Done it before, did it again and onwards :) Thank you for following my blog and your nice comments! (did you find the windlights as you asked in another post? )

      1. I did, and I’ll be trying them out the next time I log in. I started with Torley’s settings. Those should keep me busy for a while.

  4. It is so easy for people to spew venom since they can remain anonymous online, stay true to yourself. Your love of blogging shows with your excitement and photos, some people are so unhappy they want to bring others down with them. Don’t let the haters dull your sparkle. <3

    1. Hi Sunglo, thank you :) And no, they will not dull my sparkle…I groan and moan sometimes, all by myself, then delete the crap and go on my merry ways ! Thank you for your reply, very sweet!

  5. Goodness, Caity! You’ve certainly made someone very jealous! Good job! If I were to guess, these very much seem like the words of a woman. One who has been compared to you, and found very lacking.

    People who have a need to behave this way, whether they’re internet trolls or little shits at the supermarket berating the cashier because it makes them feel superior clearly have some deep emotional issues and we should pity them. Their existence is very bleak indeed if the only way they can feel good is to try to tear others down.

    As for how I deal with trolls? Well… my blog doesn’t have enough readers to attract them! Maybe your wee troll will find her way to my blog and take a whack at me? I think that truly means you’ve arrived as a blogger. Wear it as a badge of honor. girlfriend!

    Haters gonna hate.

    They only wish they had an ounce of the awesomeness that is Caity!

    1. Hiya Beth! Nah, you really don’t want a hater or troll on your blog, I can assure you it gets old real fast…Pity is perhaps the only thing one should give them indeed! And thank you for being such a lovely friend <3

  6. I am of the “feed the troll” mindset. I think all too often trolls on the internet want to isolate us from support while hurting our feelings, and open conversation and mocking is a far more reasonable response – emotionally and strategically. A lot of the changes in moderation options on the internet over the past six months is because more and more women have started talking about the intense amount of vitriol they receive; last week the Twitter CEO took personal responsibility for Twitter having a troll problem!

    Also, trolls often have secondary reasons for continuing their verbal abuse anyway – in some cases it’s a social activity, in others abuse serves a personal purpose of trying to export misery, or expressing thoughts outside of the normal bounds of relationships. Pure operant conditioning like is implied by “don’t feed the trolls” is only actually possible in situations where one can control all of the variables, and that is not the situation on the internet – even on our own blogs.

    If something hurts my feelings or even gives me pause I’m highly likely to write about it and either analyze it or have fun with the sharper side of my tongue. I’ve only had one person “troll” me seriously and that was when I was a moderator; in that case I had a far more satisfying option of banning him from the site over and over again! Such fun.

    1. Thank you for that link Deoridhe, I have read it before but it was good to read it again, including all the links in it, like a refresher course on the existence of haters and trolls.
      I still do not like to ‘feed’ them but as you said, yeah..some are hard to ‘starve’. On fora this is often easier, by being able to block them (even as far as their IP or MAC adresses), on a blog it’s complicated if not impossible. I manage comments, in a real relaxed way – I only have to approve/trash comments that are made anonymous and people filling out their name, who comment for a first time I have to approve too, but only once.
      I could go further and disable anonymous completely, but I know that would not stop some and also it would discourage people without a gravatar/wordpress or other account to comment. I do not mind anonymous comments as long as it is all civil and polite.

      I have gotten a lot of responses. Here, on flickr, plurk and several private messages and am seriously amazed some people consider dealing with a hater/troll ‘fun’. It is tedious and boring and the initial fun fades fast. Yawns all over :)

  7. /me passes you a sticker my daughter made for me with my first ‘hater’…
    it reads, “haters gonna hate, potatoes gonna potate”. not an original idea but damn if it doesn’t bring a smile to my face lol.
    Cait, you are a blogging warrior and I admire you. Trolls will always be reserved for that ‘special place in hell’. *cheers and toasts to that fire mwahaha* ♥

    1. Thank you so much Wendz, for your comment and lovely support :) I am fine, I just needed to get this off my chest for once and for all, just well…as a showcase and so maybe others see they are not the only ones being ‘mildly bothered’ by online fools! Cheers!

  8. Goodness. It appears someone is suffering from a huge case of butt hurt, likely due to their failed attempts at being a successful blogger, or human as it appears. My daughter says, “haters are great motivators.” I think this particular person is a bitter, self-hating, has never been, that must project her personal failings on others in order to cope with being herself.

  9. “Consider the source” – people who have valid criticisms make them courteously, I find. These other people – don’t have a valid thing to say about anyone. Keep on doing what you do best, being the Caity we all know and love!

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