…from anybody, you will not get disappointed’
A rather famous quote, often used after some disappointments. It is not easy to either lower expectations or have none at all. Well, that is how I feel.
I’ve tried often though. Yet, every-time I seem to have these expectations. Not big ones, but enough to leave me slightly disappointed at time and when it happens a few times in a row, it gets more than slightly.
Even in SL. Or maybe especially in SL. I’ve felt disappointed a lot lately. By people, by friends or people I thought were friends and mostly by myself for allowing it to happen. All due to my own expectations. Small things. Nothing big, but added up it gets big.
Varying from being invited to a party/wedding by new ‘friends’, to discover I was only invited so I could take pics for them and not because they like me, the person. Or being asked to go dancing, and getting stood up. And then there are people who only know how to find me when they, for all kind of reasons end up alone and need LM’s and TP’s to parties or events, like I am their personal Agency of Entertainment, always ready when in between partners. Especially disappointing when those friends weren’t available when I wanted a chat or just wanted some company. I’ve shrugged off a lot and decided to go my own way anyway, but yeah….disappointments piled up do not feel good and it makes it a bit hard at times to stay in good, friendly spirits. Lower my expectations eh, I really need to know the secret on how you do that!
What didn’t disappoint me was a new location I visited this afternoon: Voile. A residential estate by Heloise Evanier and so gorgeous! The pics in this blog-post I took there, some are a tad enhanced with an extra filter but mostly I did a lot of time-consuming fiddling with windlights.
At the arrival point, a reception office, you can get the sim rules and a notecard with direct LM’s to points of interest, but you really do need to explore the whole place – staying out of peoples rented homes of course!
Voile is a lovely, photogenic, Mediterranean place and great for some hours of enjoying the scenery and wandering about.
13 Comments Add yours
I’ve found one way, but I don’t like it: not caring. When I don’t care, I expect nothing… and I give nothing as well. It helps handling disappointment but it also isolates you.
If anybody else knows of a different way… I’d like to hear.
I don’t think I can stop caring, for some reason. Funny how that goes eh? Oh well, it will probably all pass :)
And I thought I was the only one… except they don’t want me to photograph either (yours are amazing). I think we simply resolve to expect the worst and hope for the best. If you’re ever in need of a chat buddy…*raises my hand.
Oh I am sure we are not the only ones having feelings like this every now and again, usually I indeed move on but sometime I bottle it up. Thanks for your kind comment :)
‘Friends’ list is a misnomer, I prefer to think of it as a Contacts list.
And I’ve grown to realise that someone being on that list – even for for a very long time -doesn’t make them a Friend …….it just makes you think they are.
I never entered SL to find friends so I’m rarely disappointed when people turn out not to be.
That being said I have been blessed with finding a few people that I regard as more than just friends – they are family.
I wish you good luck in finding such riches too – they are out there so don’t give up.
Thank you Boudicca, I, too, do not think of the friends list as a list with well..friends. In fact, my inworld list is short and I have friends in SL who are not even on it!
I have friends, sure…! Good ones!
Cait ~ Expectations of myself of other people of circumstances all have left me annoyed, upset, disappointed, stressed and even depressed at different times. The Art of no expectations is hard and one I have little success with. lol right expectations of no expectations. How do we let go and be open to what is. Take expectations of self .. well its good to have goals and dreams are those expectations? Disappointing myself is the worst and that stems from expectations. Sorry Iam babbling on your post but this is a issue i have been working on a long time and have been able to let a lot go circumstances are easy, people hard and self ouch real hard. I try not to get stuck when these happen and let go at the point I notice or realize what is happening even if its after, sometimes it helps or ‘works”. who knows its all a growing process and realistically the journey is life as the destination is death. ~Owl
Thank you for the comment and the link in your blog, Owl. I didnt expect so many replies to my rambling, but apparently I am not the only one – which is somehow comforting in a weird way. :)
For me, being a confirmed pessimist helps quite a bit, but Yeah I try to live by that saying too. Meh!
I think I’ve probably mentioned that I try to approach things this way. It is hard, and often what happens is that I do have expectations (lesser ones now) and I am disappointed (again less than before). When that happens, I remind myself that my expectations were my own. I remind myself that I cannot control the actions of others, and most of the time their behaviour has nothing to do with me. That helps a lot, because in this way I can reconcile that fact that my expectations were never reality in the first place, so it makes any disappointment less impactful. I call it “shaking off expectations”.
At the same time, because my expectations are so much lower, I try to appreciate when people exceed them more and more. In other words, if I don’t hear from someone for months, I don’t get upset because they don’t reach out. Sure, sometimes I wonder, but I shake that off and all is better. Then, when they do reach out, even if it’s for something they need (as opposed to wanting to talk to me for me), I try to appreciate that they at least thought about me because they either appreciate my talents, ideas, knowledge or help.
Thank you Becky and yes, you’ve told me the other week how you deal with it, I have tried it too, with more or less the same results. I do blame myself for allowing to get disappointed, I know I cannot manage other peoples behaviour – just my own. Not always as simple as it sounds and sometimes it gets me. Sometimes not :). Shaking off is a good attitude, I need to shake off more!